Do you ever feel low and due to lack of guidance feel sick and stuck? I know most of us do. And if you don’t, then sir, I tag you awesome ... you need not read further.
But the ones, who do feel that way, shouldn’t worry. It’s human. We all have our bad moments/phases in life. We commit mistakes, we fall, we get up again and life keeps rolling like that. Isn’t it? I’m discussing this with you today because my that phase is on. Yes, that phase when you cry ugly rivers of tears cursing your life, yourself and everyone around you asking - can life be anymore worse?
I know it’s a common thought. Most of us tell/ask ourselves all these things. But, do we all get our answers? I don’t. I never did. In 19 years of my age, I dunno how many such low-down-sulking moments I have faced but conclusion? I’m nowhere near that word. Why though? May be because I’m not looking for it? May be because there isn’t any?
Guys, we all are like those bunnies in wheels. Running full circle. Getting confused, taking wrong decisions, regretting, falling, trying to correct and repeating. And trust me, stopping this ritual, is kinda hard. Not that I’m trying to tell you that your life is always going to suck like that, but there is nothing wrong in it. It’s a part of growing up. It depends on you how you deal with it. Degree of depression depends on your mindset. Losing a pet, say a dog, can depress me to the core, but to someone like Atul, probably won’t even affect! And that is exactly why you shouldn’t run around searching for generalized answers or advices. Because there is no one on earth who knows you better than you do.
So what is it that you should do to get over this phase if not seeking others advice or help?
Do you! (No pun intended)
If you haven’t already understood what I meant by that then let me tell you a little more specifically. In such phases/moments of dilemma, in spite of looking around the world for answers, search yourself. And if you don’t know what to look for, within (which most of us don’t) go figure, idiot!
Anything that gives you peace of mind is your answer! In my case, the answer I found out wasn’t even related to my problem, but it still helped. Provided me respite from thinking crap about me and the world.
Want to know what I did? I was trying to cry, last night, because I was really frustrated. But tears won’t come! I was shocked, cuz I am a person who cries too often and very easily. And then I noticed something, which was obvious but I cared to look deeper.
Change.
I am changing. Venting your frustration out through crying was MY method earlier. Now it’s not. Since when? There are changes taking place in me and I’m not even aware of it? Disgraceful!
So what do I resolve to now, in order to take my frustration out? How do I take it out ... what did I do the last time I was this frustrated? And in the process of finding answer to that, what I did was an intense scan through myself.
I sat and started thinking of the last such memory. I didn’t want to get stuck in reverse, so one after one I went back to all the major incidents of my life. With this, memories that I didn’t intend to recall too flashed in my mind. Which made me curious and I suddenly forgot my problems and started looking for my first/oldest memory. It took me time, but I finally managed to discover my oldest memory.
It’s with my Dad and my first cousin; I was one and a half year old, then.In order to reach here, to my first/oldest memory, I unfolded SO many chapters of my life. Some of those were full of awesomeness, some of those were sad, some of those were total waste of time, but all of them carried an encrypted message within them. And so now I know that, the moment I decipher each and every message these chapters of my memory carry, that moment I’d learn how to break this full circle of agony I keep running into.
After doing this, my problems didn’t solve, neither did I feel content, but I have a remedy now. I have a treatment to fill in this cavity. That first memory. It makes me smile, fills me with joy, calms me down, refuels my thoughts and energizes my body. In simpler words, makes me feel alright on my own.
So Amitians, the next time you are sulking, don’t open www.google.com and read your horoscope/tarrots or get drunk and call up your friends or do any such horrible thing (I know almost everyone of us has done things like this or things even more stupid, haha) Just find out that one thing (relevant or irrelevant) that will help you making your peace.
Btw, ever wondered which is your oldest memory? Try it ... it’s fun! xD
Her elbows were resting on Gazebo’s sill. It was a lovely orange morning. Bell sleeves of her white night gown were floating in warm summer air and strands of her wavy hair were covering her face. Suddenly, a distant creak echoed in her ears and she turned around. She saw someone in the wooden corridor. She was fiddling with her long sleeves and waiting or the face to come closer. ‘Who could it be?’ she thought curiously raising her eyebrows. After some time, the face was clear. But she didn’t recognize him. He was a total stranger. She waited for him to come and speak, but he came and passed her by without uttering a single word. She turned around and looked at him, stunned. He was standing exactly where she was couple of moments ago. She went to him, now standing side by side asked, ‘Who are you?’ He smiled without looking at her and said softly ‘I see you here every day and today, I couldn’t resist coming. I want to see the magic, the miracle that you witness here in this Gazebo daily.’ She was still looking at him, after thinking a bit she said ‘Magic, Miracle? No way, there isn’t anything as such, I mean I come here daily and I have never seen anything magical here.’ She turned around and scanned the place quickly.’ No, nothing miraculous here, Nothing at all. What made you think so?’
He still wasn’t looking at her, spoke in a very soft and soothing voice’ Are you sure? Because, I see a miracle here every day, and today, this place has turned even more magical. Tell me, are you the only one who knows about this miraculous Gazebo?’ She turned back at him, irritated now; spoke in a high voice which still sounded soft ‘what are you talking about? There isn’t anything magical or miraculous here. I know this place more than anyone else on earth! And I don’t know any magic. So, Mr. Whomsoever you are, will you finish your baseless, pointless, senseless story now?’ She spoke in a single breath. For the first time after his unusual arrival, he looked her in the eyes. His smile was still on his lips and his face was very calm and soothing. He gripped her shoulders gently ‘Lady, what’s wrong? Why are you so disturbed? Well, you obviously know the magic I’m talking about. You make it happen here, everyday. You know about it, how can you deny this fact when you witness it daily?’ He said.
Her lips pursed, she shrugged. Signalling him she didn’t understand a thing. ‘Ah, let me explain you. Everyday in the morning you come here. Don’t you?’ she nodded. He continued ‘and everyday when you come, you have drops of tears rolling down your cheeks. Your face looks terribly sad. But after some time, when I look at you again, I see you smiling, blooming. Sad grunts changes into lovely songs. Isn’t this magic? This Gazebo makes people happy. It shoos our sadness off. Makes our wishes come true. Isn’t it?’ she let go his hand off her shoulders. Avoiding eye contact she said ‘you have been stalking me? You were keeping a watch over me so that you can make fun of my tears? I know the likes of you. But I’m a hard nut to crack. Listen carefully; there is no magic in here. No miracles nothing! This Gazebo doesn’t make your wishes come true. I cry, because I feel like it and I smile because I want to. Gazebo doesn’t do anything! Yes! I do make wishes; stupid silly wishes which I know won’t come true ever! I ask for someone who exists in the fairytales and not in real. I know he’d never come but I still wish. And my wish hasn’t ever come true.’
She sat down slowly and there were tears in the corner of her eyes. She spoke again ‘please go away! I beg you, I don’t need anyone. Go! Please.’
He smiled again. Bent down and whispered in her ear ‘do you really want me to leave? Yesterday you were sobbing and calling out my name, saying you want me to come to take all your pains away. And today, you want me to go? Are you sure, Pavi?’
She looked at him stunned ‘To you? I used to call my angel not yo…’ and before she could finish her sentence everything faded to black she heard a faint whisper ‘I’m waiting, answer me, Pavi.’
Suddenly everything turned dark. And the next moment everything was bright. She removed her blanket, wore her slippers and ran towards the Gazebo in her white night gown…
Message from the Hon’ble Chancellor
Today, we are celebrating the inaugural function of Sangathan which has animportant place in our annual calendar. Sangathan which is a celebration of Amity students from across all campuses, provides a forum for interaction, caring and sharing and togetherness for all Amitians. It is a time when we all come together year upon year and we can measure the growth of Amity by the size of the event which increases annually. With so many students participating from every corner of the nation and many foreign countries Sangathan is a good example of how Amity represents unity in diversity.
Mr. Aseem Chauhan
Chancellor
