Dear me
It's not that I don't know, so I won't ask how you are. It's obvious that your spirit is saddened, and rightfully so with the heavy issues you are faced with.
Your lethargy is killing me, though! I know! You have never liked confrontation. Nobody does, but you have had a lot of it and you have learned to handle it with such great finesse. Confrontation is not the problem. It's the issues that have dictated the need for it.
You have experienced quite a few deaths lately, haven't you? There are many kinds of death...for you it's been your finances, your relationship, your job, your credibility, all because of a betrayal from a trusted boss/coworker. That's a lot of deaths for one fell swoop. It's no wonder that you have been in mourning and your spirit dimmed.
But face it! These deaths have to be dealt with. You can't keep me in this isolation, forever and ever going over in your mind everything that went wrong. It's like beating a dead horse. I know how you feel every time a job opportunity is turned down...it feels like they make you a victim all over again, doesn't it? Even if you don't know what to do next, you won't ever know if you don't pick yourself up. I will not be the one to pull you up by the hair of your head! Life will do that on its own if you don't pay attention to what it's trying to do for you. Think of this: it's all in the past now. It's not happening any more, nor can it happen again. Stop acting like it is still happening.
And you believed you knew love. Had it all tailor-made and waiting on a shelf for you. After that door closed, loudly, in your face...look! look what life gave you instead. You know, and I know that you know, that this is a greater love. Not planned, no fan-fare, not your ideal of what love is or should be nor how you were supposed to find love. This is a love that not even you can measure or pre-package. Everyone longs for this kind of love, but few realize it, and even if they do, they lose it because they don't know how to handle it. Not only have you loved....now you are truly loved. You are one of the blessed few.
You feel that your health is failing you now, going in a downward spiral. You talk well to others about health, because you know it very well, but do you listen to your own words? You know what you have to do to regain and maintain your health. Why are you not doing it? Listen! You know the routine. You know what you are supposed to be eating, so don't carry on this pity party with me when you don't feel good. Yeah, age does have something to do with the changes in your body...it's not a bad thing. And regardless of what people say, you know a lot of these health issues can be eliminated if you would do what you're supposed to do.
Your finances are the toughest challenge you face, for it's calling up every fiber of your being to overcome what has been done to it. You see this long row of weeds stretched out before you as far as you can see. You are not a gardener and don't want to deal with the weeds, but OH YOU MUST! Nobody can, nor will, do it for you. Listen, money comes and money goes. Right now it's gone, and nothing coming in.
Take responsibility! When I say responsibility, I don't mean accountability, nor blame or guilt. When I say responsibility, I mean taking the issues that have been given you and methodically and wisely deal with them. From this day forward, if you do not accept this responsibility, you then become accountable and will be the blame for all that has happened. And only then will you have the right to feel guilty, because you will be.
They say there are stages in the grieving process; i.e. shock, bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance.....GASP....DId you hear that? ANGER! That's it, isn't ? You are an angry woman! Remember the definition of sadness....sadness is anger withheld. This is wonderful news! Do you know why? Because anger is one of the last steps in the grieving process. And do you know what that means? That means that you are near the end of grieving. It's been nine months, and you are feeling the birthing process. You are being born again! You are being labored into a new life!
There is one more thing I want to say. I've never told you this before, because I thought you knew. That is my mistake and am changing it right now. And please think of this often: Nobody can do for you what I can; nobody can help you like I can; nobody can love you like I can. I am your best friend. And there is nobody else that I can say that to.
Love,
Me |
